1. You must have been a beautiful baby
We don’t know 'cos we weren't there
But it’s what our Mum said
Whenever she tucked us up in bed
Tho’ her luck was soon to change, I fear.
2. So along came Rob,
A podgy little blob,
Then Malc, who was equally unsightly.
And the world stood still,
- Mum knew nothing of the pill –
- But nothing happened, wrongly or rightly!
3. Now she’s reached this stage
- Jude’s so young for her age -
The eldest and fairest of three;
Still at it in her 80’s,
God knows what her weight is,
But tries hard with belly dancing and Tai Chi
4.So the stories unfold
– and there’s much to be told -
We could start with the playing of her fiddle.
She made her first mark
Playing Mozart and Bach - (sing the usual “dina dina dirn dirn dirn din dina”)..??
With a horrible screech in the middle!
5. When she went to school
She was nobody’s fool
And later became a fine teacher
Her left-wing views
Are no longer news
But now even Corbyn can't reach her!
6. After one or two flings
And unmentionable things
She was swept off her feet by her Jerry;
A professor at Guy’s
So worldly and wise
Got pissed on Check lager or sherry!
7. Never mind, what-ever
They got it together
And brought up three children in Pinner
As housewife and Mother
She worked like no other;
It’s surprising she didn’t get thinner!
8. Ed, Ian and Jane
Were OK, in the main;
Rather small but awfully clever
Did they eat all their greens?
Or was it their genes
From Jerry or Judy? Whatever!
9. And it might have been genes
Or too many greens
That affected the next generation.
Loads of grandchildren came
(we think Granny's to blame;
Upholding her fine reputation)
10. Struan and Helen
Leo and Georgia
A full quartet of Rytina's
Then, over the way
In the US of A
Came Jack Chadwick and little Georgina.
11. If that wasn't enough
Old Ian called our bluff
And nearly gave Granny heart failure;
With so much aplomb
Helen gave birth to Tom
Then Catlin - in Melbourne, Australia.
12. With our memories fading,
yes, It's rather degrading
But at 80 she's made it quite clear
But we’ve often wondered
Who's poem will be read,
Since we're probably dead.
Not us - oh dear!.
13. We don’t mean to offend,
But this poem must end.
And we urge you to rise for a toast
To our sister from Pinner,
Still trying to get thinner
in Helpston where she's slimmer than most
To our lovely Judy, our sister, a mother, wife and Granny!!