I can't wait to divulge my unique method for training dogs - to my readers. I am continually pressed by people who have seen and admired the behaviour of our two dogs; to write a "Dog Training Manual". I must say from the start, that this has taken me fourteen years, of living a dog's life, to compile; particular subjects come under the following chapters:
How to train your dog(s) to:
Ch. No:
1. Sleep on your bed, at night.
2. Sleep on your sofa, during the day
3. Demand fresh meat and veg twice a day (preferably served warm)
4. Bite you when you try to clean their teeth or groom them.
5. Take you for walks twice a day, whether you like it or not.
6. Get a reward for bringing you unwanted shoes from the wardrobe.
7. Be stroked and "tummy tickled" on demand.
8. Travel willingly and safely in your car, lying under the foot brake pedal.
9. Keep you at home when you'd rather stay with relatives and friends.
10. Feign deafness on command.
11. Run in the opposite direction when called.
12. Refuse to be left in kennels.
13. Bark loudly in your earhole as you bend down to tie up your boots.
14. Permanently forget their own names.
15. Run away for hours on end, when young, at the smallest opportunity.
16. Incur a fortune in vetinary fees and doggy equipment, including electric fencing.
17. Clear the neighbourhood of Coypus, pet Cats, Rats, Mice and Gerbles.
18. Ensure that you completely vacuum the house (boat) of hairs and mud twice a day.
19. Render you inconsolable when they eventually have to be put down.
Because of the high demand for this manual, please send a cheque for 15 Euros in advance. (just a joke, but it's worth a try!....)
to: Malcolm Walker
Bateau "Body and Soul"
France 33210
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